Keeping In Touch

In my opinion -- and I am not sure that WE are the best judge of our own personal flaws -- my greatest personal flaw is my failure to keep in touch with my friends.  I have never been much of a letter-writer, and I actually have a sort of phobia regarding phone calls ... so once I become geographically distant from someone, I generally fail to maintain much -- or ANY -- contact.  It's NOT that they are out of my mind or out of my heart ... but they have no way of knowing this.  There are people who I consider to be among my very closest friends, yet I have had absolutely NO contact with them in decades.

Incidentally, I am much better with e-mail -- that is, I send and receive e-mails without most of the difficulty of letters or telephone calls -- but I lost touch with most of these friends long before e-mail was available.

I imagine that most people hearing or reading this would be unsympathetic and maybe disgusted, perhaps pointing out that if I have had absolutely NO contact with someone in several decades, it is unrealistic to think of them as among my closest friends.  The fact is that I DO think of these people as my closest friends, regardless of whether it is reasonable or logical.

I have no particular defense; my behavior is indefensible -- though there IS my very real phone phobia, and also some sort of phobic disorder involving snail-mail.  (IF I was informed that I had won a million dollars, but I had to call some phone number to claim it, there is about a fifty-fifty chance I would be physically able to make the call.  Clearly, this is irrational, and I am not asking anyone to UNDERSTAND it.  It is simply a fact.  I have had difficulty with telephones since childhood.)  (I have realized that the reason I am fine with e-mail, but not with snail-mail, involves issues such as securing and addressing the envelope, which is somehow overwhelming to me -- but I have not really figured this out.)

An aspect of the problem that may be easier to relate to is the fact that as time passes, it becomes more and more socially awkward to initiate contact.  I have actually started letters to people, but become bogged down in the early paragraphs with attempts at apologies and explanations, and eventually just given up with the letters unfinished and un-sent.  This seems especially tragic.  I need some sort of “Get out of jail free” card to casually re-initiate contact without those awkward initial moments.

I was especially aware of the problem last January, just following our traditional midwinter Holiday Season, as I realize the final two or three friends who still sent me holiday greeting cards did NOT send anything this year, for the first time.  (By the way, for those who are offended by my mention of the "midwinter Holiday Season" rather than Christmas, the fact is that although I am NOT Jewish, most of the people who send me holiday greeting cards ARE, so most of my greeting cards are for Hanukah or generic "Holiday" cards rather than Christmas.)

I was also thinking about this in relation to blogging.  I have not posted any entries in a long time, and it is becoming harder and harder to re-establish contact with this blog.  Like reaching out to an old friend, the occasion seems to call for something momentous, rather than casual ... which makes it all the more difficult, and tends to perpetuate non-action rather than action.

One of the greatest challenges in life is reflected in Reinhold Niebuhr's "Serenity Prayer" -- the part about changing the things that can be changed, and accepting the things that cannot, and knowing the difference.  This is a challenge that we face with the entire universe, but especially with ourselves.  I do not know whether I can do a better job of keeping in touch with my now-lost friends.  I think I will try.

Truth is complicated.