Anyone and Everyone

It is all too easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the people around us -- indeed, people EVERYWHERE -- share our perspective and our circumstances. Sometimes we are actually taught or encouraged to think along these lines.

In the community where I live, most people assume that everyone they deal with on a daily basis has a home, a car, a telephone (land line and/or cellular), television (generally cable), at least one bank account, and a certain amount of money available for charities and gifts. We have heard that there are “homeless” people, but in general we have no contact with “those” people. We have also heard of people who have no cars, but these people probably have some specific reason for giving up their car -- perhaps an elderly person that no longer drives. There may BE people without televisions, but they must be eccentric. Everyone has a telephone, everyone has at least one bank account, unless perhaps they are between bank accounts, and everyone has money available for charities and gifts, but some people are too cheap to part with their money.

This is just the perception. The truth, though many would find it hard to believe, is that in addition to homeless people, there are plenty of people without cars, televisions, telephones, bank accounts, or a penny to spare, and most people probably encounter such people in their day-to-day activities -- though many people would argue vehemently with me about this.

Continuing rapid “advances” in technology, and the increasing prevalence of this technology in our daily lives, provides more examples of this phenomenon. We are well on our way to believing that “everyone” has a Facebook page, and a cell phone that not only serves as a telephone but also includes a camera and provides access to the Internet. (I place the word “advances” in quotation marks because it seems to me that “advances” implies something positive, an improvement, and at this point I am unconvinced that Facebook and web-enabled camera phones are a positive development.)

Anytime we start generalizing about other people, whether it be in regard to what they believe, what they possess or have access to, what they desire, or what they can afford, we are probably making a mistake. Everyone is unique, and often in ways we cannot begin to imagine.

Often we are encouraged to think of others as essentially like ourselves. Even “the Golden Rule” (which I am NOT a fan of) specifies in its most common form that we should treat others as we ourselves would like to be treated (rather than the way that THEY would like to be treated). I suppose there is something positive about this way of thinking.

On the negative side, thinking of others as essentially like ourselves imbues them with the same priorities and the same resources that we have, and tends to hold them to the same standards that WE consider appropriate, with the same definitions of “right” and “wrong”.

Just as we are incapable of seeing ANYTHING with absolute clarity, most of what we see as intrinsically and obviously "right" or "wrong" or "proper" or "improper" is just a product of the values and priorities we have somehow acquired throughout our lives, and there is nothing intrinsic or obvious about it. For example, most present-day Americans would state that a green, well-mowed, dandelion-free lawn was "better" and even "prettier" than an unkempt yard full of dandelions. Objectively, a yard full of dandelions is probably "prettier", but we have been taught since childhood that dandelions are "weeds" rather than "flowers". I honestly find an un-mowed yard to be more attractive than a mowed one, but I have been accused of lying about this by those who believe that a well-mowed yard is clearly "better", and that everyone KNOWS a well-mowed yard is clearly better.

This is one of those ideas that we cannot overcome, closely related to the idea that we cannot be truly objective, and everything is filtered through our own perception. What is especially troubling is many people's inability to perceive/accept the idea that their values and priorities are simply their own values and priorities, and not innately correct. As with my lawn-mowing example, many people seem incapable of accepting that people could truly embrace alternate beliefs, and accuse those who disagree with them of lying or being mentally flawed.

On a related note, this concept of “group agreement” seems important to many people. When I argue with my mother -- which we do frequently -- it is always important to her to stress not only that I am wrong and that she is right, but also that EVERYONE agrees with her position, and NO ONE agrees with my position. I once told her, “Even if a nation-wide poll found that most people agreed with ME, you would still insist that EVERYONE agreed with YOU.”

She replied, “That’s not true! A nation-wide poll would never find that most people agreed with YOU!” While this true example may seem humorous or extreme, many people view the world in basically this same way: “Everyone agrees with me, and views the world the same way that I view it, and anyone who does not is peculiar, or lying about their true opinion and view.” This is compounded not only by the fact that people have a natural tendency to surround themselves with others who share their views, but also by the fact that we tend to BELIEVE we are surrounded by others who share our views -- thus reinforcing them -- even when we are NOT, and when everyone is actually unique.

Truth is complicated.