Scars and slack

I was recently involved in an argument/conflict with a person who suffered a great personal tragedy a few decades ago -- an especially tragic death of a loved one.

Our disagreement had no particular connection to that tragedy, though I suppose a person could make the argument that everything in life is connected, or at least that everything in life that follows a great tragedy is somehow connected to that tragedy. Still, there was no tangible relationship between the two topics.

I discussed the situation with several friends and relatives. Everyone I consulted expressed the view that I was “right” and the other person was “wrong” -- though of course these were MY friends and relatives, listening to MY side of the story, so this is certainly no proof that I was right. One relative, however, expressed the opinion that since this other person had suffered that great personal tragedy, I must “cut them some slack”, forgive their sins, and bow to their will.

This is a complicated issue, related to strength of emotion (discussed elsewhere in this blog), and dependent upon the precise details of the situation. My GENERAL response, however, is that there is simply no practical way to go through life analyzing each other’s past tragedies. I assume that we ALL have scars. Some are more visible than others, and some are worse than others, but on a practical, general level I am uncomfortable favoring one person over another based on my perception of their scars. Ideally, we should ALL treat each other with compassion, and with the awareness that we all have scars, and we should be willing to cut EVERYONE some slack.

I am speaking only in generalities. I believe there are specific cases in which people absolutely SHOULD receive special consideration because of their past tragedies -- but I also believe that this should generally be more directly related to that past tragedy. OR if YOU choose to give them special consideration, and it is YOUR choice, fine.

The general problem with giving preferential treatment to those with known past tragedies is that we end up favoring THEM over all the people with less-known past tragedies, including ourselves. This is not a situation that I feel qualified to judge, nor do I feel ANY mortal is qualified to judge. We all have scars. We all deserve slack.

Beyond that, the truth is complicated.