Personal access

I can be hard to get a hold of.

Though you probably aren’t thinking about it, there are actually multiple ways to interpret that sentence.  The most common interpretation probably has to do with a tendency -- as in “I am sometimes hard to get a hold of.”  There are also other ways to use the word “can” -- indicating an ability, such as “I can play the piano” or “I can recite quotations from Shakespeare.”  Finally, there is “I can do it if I want to do it, and you will not be able to stop me,” such as “I can stay up late and watch television.”

I find it profound that in this particular case, all three interpretations apply.  I have a tendency to be difficult to get a hold of, AND I have an ability to be difficult to get a hold of, AND I want to be difficult to get a hold of, and you will not be able to stop me.

In this “connected” era, where people have not only cell phones but “smart phones” and do all manner of not only e-mailing but “instant messaging” (perhaps out of vogue now) and “texting”, I am increasingly out of step with those around me, and more than one person has actually become angry about how difficult it is to reach me.  Notably, the people who have been angriest have been people who I barely consider acquaintances -- certainly not friends.  I must admit, though, that many friends and family have also offered at least some criticism about the fact that they are unable to contact me at the moment they desire to contact me.

People seem not to understand that the issue is at least as important to ME as it is to THEM.  I feel very strongly that NO ONE “deserves” or “has a right to” instant access to ANYONE.  In fact, I would argue that this is one of the few things that separates us from prisoners.  Prisoners often have at least SOME freedom of movement, and perhaps the ability to decide whether or not to eat and drink, and precisely what to eat and drink, and how to occupy their time -- but if their captor WANTS to have access to them, their captor HAS access to them.  The prisoner does NOT get to decide who reaches them, or when.

This is one of those areas in which people will argue about motivation -- “WHY shouldn’t people be able to instantly reach you?” or “WHY is it important to you?” -- but I will respond that motivation is irrelevant.  It is my desire, and my right.  People will also come up with all sorts of “reasons” why they NEED instant access -- mostly having to do with the possibility of “emergencies”, but also for a variety of more individual needs.  I am hard-pressed to think of any “emergency” situations in which quickly reaching me will have an impact on the outcome of the situation, though I am willing to acknowledge that the possibility exists.  In those theoretical cases, I am willing to suffer the consequences of being hard to reach.  On a practical level, the fact is that I am not UNIVERSALLY difficult to reach -- there are one or two or three people who I allow the ability to contact me most of the time.  That is MY choice.  The “problem” (not for ME) is that MOST people will have difficulty quickly contacting me.

In the back of my mind, there is always the fear that as the future unfolds, everyone will have instant access to everyone.  I would not want to live in such a world.

Sometimes, the truth is straightforward.